I was told a long while back that in order for a relationship to work, I should make sure that the guy I end up with should love me a bit more than I him. Now, this never made sense to me. Why should either person love the other any less than the other? Wouldn't that mean that I would be settling? I don't want to have to settle for anyone if I'm planning on spending my life with someone. And why on Earth would I want to stay with a guy who is so into me and not have the same feelings for him? But, then I realized that in every relationship I've ever been in, I have always cared about the guy more than they cared about me. I was always the one who was swept up in love and couldn't even fathom hurting them yet they had no qualms about cheating on me and justifying it as I did not give them enough attention or enough something or another. So, maybe there is some truth in what I was told. Maybe, I do need to find a man who will watch me adoringly, who will put my feelings first, who would never think about hurting me. Or maybe, I'm just a lust junkie. Just maybe my addictive personality does ruin my relationships. Maybe I simply want that initial passionate lust that permeates the beginning of every relationship. Do I even know if I can make it through a truly long term relationship? The longest one I've been in lasted 3 years and it's not like it should have even lasted that long (again with the cheating! I swear, he actually carried on other relationships while he was with me!). Maybe Disney and Hollywood messed me up for good and I can't even see what a good guy I have in front of me. Because it seems like I have the opportunity to have this good guy if I want him and I know all I have to do is say so but I can't figure out what is stopping me. No, I'm totally fibbing. I want that crazy passion and I just don't feel it. Could I possibly really be that cold ice princess that I've tried to deny for years? I mean, my perfect relationship is Morticia and Gomez Addams. No lie!
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| Aaahh, the perfect harmony of goth and love! |
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I adore how she is as cool as ice, no emotion visible on her face until that moment she looks at him and you can see the fire burning in her eyes. And he simply adores her like no other person or object in this galaxy. He is constantly showering her with love, compliments, affection and she simply allows him to do so because it makes him happy. I guess that's sort of what I have but what real man is going to be completely happy with a woman who hardly ever shows him affection? None that I have met so here I am, stuck in the middle. Who knows any more? I guess I'll just have to let it play out and figure it out as time goes on.
